Confessions of a 20 year-old child.

Yes! Happy 20th Birthday to me! I've come to the conclusion that after 20 years of life, there are still some things about me that will always remain the same.

1. I still avoid the cracks in the sidewalk for fear of somehow injuring my poor mother's back. What will happen if my mother breaks her back? Who will find the things that I lose in vulgar, immeasurable amounts? OH GOD- WHO WOULD COOK DINNER!? I'd starve.
2. Any insect that has more than six legs and/or has a stinger is no doubt a threat to my mortal life regardless of what Animal Planet says, and must be destroyed if it comes within five feet of my personal perimeter.
3. On the rare occasion that I take a bath, I reminisce vaguely over the towering cliffs of bubbles I would construct and thus conclude that no bath will ever be satisfying without gallons of bubble-gum scented bubble elixir.
4. I cannot look at a single eldery, white-bearded human being without immediately questioning the fact that they could very well be Santa Clause.
5. My hair will never obey my wishes and instead decides to meet me somewhere in between 'rat's nest' and 'holy shit get the scissors'.
6. My dimples are forever embedded in my face and the only chance at removal would be to physically extract them from my face via medieval surgery.
7. Kicking, biting, punching, and tickling are all acceptable means of conveying my affection during preliminary courtship.
8. If it has whipped cream on it, I probably want to eat it.
9. The Fox and the Hound will always reduce me to immediate tears if not an all-out suicidal rampage.
10. Verbally abusing my inanimate belongings when they refuse to function is always an effective method at fixing them.
11. It is a proven fact that when you turn the lights off at night- there is some malevolent, immortal creature barreling towards me at mach 5 speeds ready to drive it's claws/fangs/daggers into my flesh and devour me before I can so much as scream: this can only be avoided by making blindingly fast moves for my bed, which is obvs the only safe-zone. 
12. Boys are stoopid and have dooky for brains... Unless they're giving me kisses or singing for me.