Sometimes my baby brother opens the backdoor in his underwear because he's "hot" and complains about having sticky privates- this makes me laugh in the middle of trying to take a decent picture. Oh... the innocence of adolescence.
Obviously I am not of age, I get closer every year- but unfortunately, my day of reckoning is still more than a year away. Does that stop me from sharing a glass of booze with a friend every now and then? Bless your soul, no! If any of you had a preconceived image of who I was: I am so sincerely sorry.
At any rate, everyone has a favorite beverage. Whether you're old enough to drink the poison, you have a taste for things. So I thought I'd list out some of my favorite types of alcohol- and also give a short description of what ensues after consumption. I wouldn't consider it an illegal act so much as... curious experimentation. Or, at least that is what I would tell an officer if he were to ever catch me with a half-empty solo cup in my hand... Of course, I may be too drunk to differentiate between an actual law enforcement officer and a male-stripper cop. Somehow I think I'll end up with charges of sexual assault on an officer, one day.
Anyway! Because I love lists to much, let's begin!
Blackberry Merlot, Arbor MistWine is probably my favorite kind of drunk. It's a really sultry, sneaky thing that sort of creeps into my bloodstream and leaves me feeling nostalgic and cuddlesome. I snake my hands onto one glass for the night (preferably the size of a pitcher or small bath-tub) and speak inebriated proverbs that make absolutely no sense. I've got pseudo-insight and the belligerence isn't detectable because of how sauced I've gotten myself. After all, wine is one of the easiest forms of alcohol to drink, at least in my opinion. I like to write poetry or sing when I'm wine-drunk, where Britney Spears' 'Hit me Baby One More Time' is slowly skewed into Etta James' 'Something's Got a Hold on Me'. And nobody cares because I'm too damn adorable to turn away.
Raspberry Burst Coolers, Smirnoff
These little bastards will always have a special place in my heart, mainly because they were the very first thing I ever got legitimately drunk with. It's a very stupid story. Basically, I'd never had a drink before in my life and my friend bought these for me because she figured they'd be extremely easy to swallow and that I'd be able to have a good time. Little did she know...
These little bastards will always have a special place in my heart, mainly because they were the very first thing I ever got legitimately drunk with. It's a very stupid story. Basically, I'd never had a drink before in my life and my friend bought these for me because she figured they'd be extremely easy to swallow and that I'd be able to have a good time. Little did she know...
I drink these fuckers so fast... It's hard to moderate exactly how much I'm taking in. It isn't the alcohol content that fucks me up (there's barely any alcohol at all in these things,) it's how fast I suck them down. The first night I had these, I drank three within five minutes, chasing them with 40 oz of malt liquor. I wound up crawling to the bathroom where a guy-friend was mid-stream pissing. He said "Hold on, gotta finish." And, instead of crawling back to my place at the couch, I slowly lolled my head onto the floor and reveled in the cool, grounded sensation of the wooden flooring whilst silently praying that I could restrain my vomit until after he'd stepped over my inebriated body. Ode to fifteen year-old booze binging.
Tequila, Hornitos
Ah, tequila... I'd like to say that I have so many 'great memories' with tequila, but to be honest; I've never remembered one night that I've had tequila in full.
Ah, tequila... I'd like to say that I have so many 'great memories' with tequila, but to be honest; I've never remembered one night that I've had tequila in full.
According to myth (in essence, according to everything my friends tell me) tequila turns me into a complete, hot mess. My drunken persona not only decides to become a lesbian, but it also decides that the best way to have a good time is to become delusional, and demand to know who everyone is, and where they are- at all times. I remember being told that I had spent half an hour looking for a lion and a dinosaur after a friend's mother tried to show me that she had them on ZooWorld at Facebook. Obviously I wanted to see this shit for real, because I ran around the house the entire night.
Spiced Rum, Captain Morgan
A friend of mine once mixed me a really mean rum-and-coke, and I genuinely fell in love with it. I don't usually like to drink rum by itself because it reminds me too much of cough syrup, but if you give me a glass of coke: I'm usually pretty content for the rest of the night.
A friend of mine once mixed me a really mean rum-and-coke, and I genuinely fell in love with it. I don't usually like to drink rum by itself because it reminds me too much of cough syrup, but if you give me a glass of coke: I'm usually pretty content for the rest of the night.
Rum makes me feel invincible. I start to feel like a tomboy all over again. I want to hang out on the rooftops and roll around in the grass. I feel like bruising my knees, arm-wrestling the biggest motherfucker in the room, and picking a fight with some thick bitch who never did a thing to me. It's my liquid courage, and definitely something I wish I could keep on hand before anything particularly nerve-wracking, and I would if it didn't mean that I'd probably die while doing whatever it is I was doing at the time.
Vodka, Seagrams
When I bring vodka, I've usually got one or two gallons of orange juice in a tote with me. I mix screwdrivers heavy on the liquor and make my night (semi)memorable.
Vodka makes me think I'm Nicki Minaj... I'm not joking, the last night I spent gulping down screw-drivers, I bounced around the house like a faux pop-star. I'll grind to songs like "Peacock" by Katy Perry for hours, ushering my flimsy body onto something sturdy so as not to fall and break my teeth. I randomly kiss my girlfriends and share as much love as I can before I'm bent over the porcelain goddess to pay my tribute for the incredible night she left for me.
You know... the best thing about alcohol is that it'll never judge you.
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